[suzushii]

I am neither religious, and I'm a biology major, and cool, you're basically abusing stereotypes, and equating tendencies with hardwiring. I'm sorry, but your ideas are bunk.

Let me clear some ideas for you:
hardwiring - these are insticts you can't argue against - like hunger, and thrist, and the sucking reflex in infants. We have them, and these are very much in common with other animals. Yes, we are animals.

softwiring - while we are indeed animals, we are not like most animals at all. A great part of our selves is shaped by culture and enviroment. While most animals are born self-sufficient (baby antilopes can run in 30 min from birth. some birds are entirely alone from day one) we are not like this at all. We, and other primates, give birth to offspring that are completely hopeless years, which require painstaking care for decades. cheating is NOT hardwired, it's a conscious choice!

During that time, the baby human will need the input of parents. Not one parent, but two, or prefferably an extended family. Which has been the model of the family for hundred and thousands of years.

Evolutionary speaking, we are monogamous, and slightly polygynous. That means, we do not mate for life with one person, but are more likely to be serially monogamous (one relationship after another) and with a small degree of cheating. This is for both genders. Studies done show that women cheat almost as much as men, but never more then 30%.

But what does this mean, to a modern human, his evolutionary tendencies? Well, almost nothing. These are not urges like thirst and hunger, that one seldom can control. A human is fully equiped with his higher brain to make rational decisions towards one way or another.


Your arguments are infested with a bias and sybjectivity. Basically, you defend the argument simply from the cheating male's pov, and your subjectivity shows in trying to defend the idea of "normalcy of cheating". You minimise to the point of omitting what a cheated-on spouse feels like, and the bad effects of cheating. You make it sound like cheating happens in a vacuum.

Let us take a family as an example - man, woman, children. Man cheats without telling wife. What are the good and bad effects:
Possible good effects:
Guy gets his jollies on.
Possible bad effects:

The trust of the marriage is annuled. The man acted without discussing with the wife, and lied to her face, continuously. Anyone knows a relationship that isn't built on trust is going nowhere.

The wife and children could find out. If you hear the testaments of women who have been cheated on, and children with cheating spouses, the result is jealousy, anger, and bitter, bitter pain.

The guy feels guilty, and realises he got 30 minutes of sex, in exchange for possibly indangering his family's well being. He is weighed for the rest of his life with the burden of lying and carrying that guilt. Either that, or he gets rid of it by confessing, and provoking pain.

The guy catches STDs and passes them on to his spouse. NOT ALL STDs are protected BY A CONDOM. Not even condoms work 100%. The mistress could get pregnant! Would you like herpes with that cheating? It's forever.

The guy gets emotionally attached to the mistress. Happens time and time again, and shows that sex isn't just sex, but it comes with powerful hormones that bond and give rise to feelings. This is scientific fact. He desertes the family and kids for the mistress. Countless paints insue.

The mistress starts blackmailing the family, or harrassing them. You advocate that women need emotion to have sex, and then you say men should be left to cheat. Cheat with whom? The mistresses will desire the same thing as the wife. Nobody wants to be the piece on the side.

The wife finds out, she feels inadequate, betrayed, unwanted, depressed, used up and thrown away, expired. The guy knows this and goes and cheats anyways. And then the wife should be understanding? Riiiiiight.


Many people don't feel monogamous, and the most of this group are men. However, there are plenty of women who also don't desire monogamous relationships, or would not mind an open relationship, even on the guy's part. That's why, if you want an open relationship, date and marry a person like you. Don't date a monogamous person, and cheat on them. That's unfair.

People marry because they share the same values, and have the same goals. Too many men marry despite not feeling love for their spouses, or supressing their own values and desires, and then express them on the side, while trying to hide them. This is DISASTRUOUS. And unforgivable.