T_T Baby advice?

I really want to have a baby with my husband (we arent legally married, we just love each other so much we like to consider we are ^-^ ) but he doesnt want us to have kids until we are 28 and we are both 16 right now. and i dont know how to convince him to want to have kids earlier than that. im afraid having kids at 28 is too old, cause we want 3 kids, 2 boys 1 girl (in that order) and we want our kids to be 5 or 6 years apart, and i want us to be able to live to see our daughter graduate!! and to make it worse, there are tons of pregnant girls at my school and one is in my P.E class, and it makes me sad. last year when i was complaining about this, my husband actually thought that i want to have kids so bad that he thought i would cheat on him!! he doesnt understand that i want to have kids with him and nobody else. i just want to know how can i keep myself from getting depressed when i see other girls pregnant so i wont complain to my husband about it and he wont get worried about me cheating on him.

[yugidogz]

Wow. Well, you're still 16, so you have 12 years to convince him.... think about your future first.

[forsheezy]

If he doesn't want to have children at this time, you've got to at least respect that decision.

By the way, you seem extremely specific with your future... I'm not saying that you should forget about them all together, but setting such unrealistic goals down firmly can get pretty bad in case things don't go the right way. You're still young, and you've got years ahead of you!

But think about it this way, I assume most of the pregnant girls you see did not want to get pregnant in the first place. They're carrying something they really don't want. You're better off than them in a sense, because when you are pregnant, you WILL be happy about it since it wasn't by accident :\

[haruhisuzumiya]

16 is WAY too early for children. Even if you have kids when you are older, you will still live to see them graduate. People don't die when they are 50, well they do, but most parents live to see their children graduate. My boyfriends parents had him when they were in their early 30's, and they are still live and kicking, and he's well out of high school. So, slow yourself down, you still have lots of time.

[BubbleTea]

The teen girls that you see aren't as happy as you think they are. The average teen mom is starting from ground zero. Some may look at being a teen mom as glamorous -- cute little baby, cute little clothes. That gets old real fast.

Unless they are alread financially well off and have lots of time, being a teen mother is hard. Taking care of a crying baby at 2 in the morning while studying for finals? Trying to keep everything control and stress free while trying to calm a baby down for hours? The time and nurturing that a baby needs, which takes up most of your school and free time...teenage mothers shouldn't even be mothers at such an age, unless you're living in like...the Medieval age or something and were of royalty or nobility. And we're not.

If you have never taken care of an actual baby for more than a day, you'll know how HARD it is to monitor a baby 24/7, let alone twins and one more baby coming along the way! My aunt is already burdened on having to help my cousing on taking care of the twins for like, four times in the middle of the night, hell even in different stages at night time (since babies and adults have different sleeping periods) while my cousin goes to work full-time, tries to finish her studies at UCSD and get a Bachelor's degree in accounting. On the other hand, my cousin had to forclose her home so that she won't go bankrupt and still be able to feed her kids, and this is the third time that this has happened. My aunt and uncle themselves aren't able to get much free time. Instead of crusing around the world and enjoying their retirement, they also had to foreclose their recently renovated home and move in with my cousin in order to support her.

And you say you want...3 kids: 2 boys and 1 girl? They may be all goo-goo-ga-ga after a couple of months, but once they reach the kindergarden age, it will be hard disciplining kids. At least you want them 5-6 apart, but still...a on year old baby and a whiny, screaming 6-year old kid that you need to have under control. hmmm.

And unfortunately what most pregnant teeng girls don't know is the harsh reality out there. Girls who want to get pregnant at a young age are too idealistic and are forgetting about the costs, time...everything needed to take care of a baby, maintain a strong stability within the family, support your family by working...all while still completing your education. Because you also have to pay for child support, personal expenses, housing expenses, insurance for your child and your whole family, income taxes, other expenses, and the like, and that requires you to work most of the time, leaving no time for your education.

Do you plan on going to college by the way? Do you know how much tuition cost these days? The average is $30,000 (and that average is rising) a year, and that's not including room and board, textbook expenses, etc. You'll leave for yourself a hard life, living as a low-income, lower class mother if you can't handle the practicality of reality.

You're still young. Is still growing and maturing and will do so until you're 25, which is usually the average age to be a mother and one of the healthiest age to be a mother. Enjoy your college years and living life young. Go out there and party, join clubs and activies, help out the community, travel the world and the seven seas, learn new cultures, make new friends, explore new passions...etc. You still have plenty of time to be a mother, and most of the free time that you get in your 20's...you won't be able to do much once you become a mother. You only experience these once in your [college] life. And even if you do have to get a baby-sitter, you can't be spontaneous anymore. Looking at a new pair of shoes in a store, you know you have to buy those diapers instead of nice designer shoes, nor will you even have time to hang out with friends. The most you can get time with friends is like...5 minutes a week.

I myself used to think about having children before 25, but knowing more about college and the experiences that my cousin and her family, my other aunt (who had to take care of her baby while studying for her nursing license board exam at 2 in the morning, being in charge of clubs, working a night shift...etc.), my mind completely changed. My own mother had me when she was 27, and my younger brother when she was 33. 25-39 are is the usual demographic for mothers. My parents will live to see me graduate from high school and college. They will also live to see my brother, 6 years apart, graduate from high school and college. My parents are 44 and 45 right now, will be in their 50's once my brother gruadates high school and I graduate college, and will still be in their 50's once my brother graduates from college. 50-something is the average age for parents of college and 12th grade high school kids. I mean hey, as long as you live healthy, eat healthy, and don't get into yourself into some sort of accident, you'll live to see your kids graduate.

And think about it, once you graduate from college with that good, hard earned degree of yours, that degree will earn you a good job and you'll be able to be financially well off and able to support your child a lot better than if you are still in high school, or a high school drop-out, or only graduated with a high school diploma.

Those pregnant teen girls did not plan their pregnancy and were foolish to not use safe sex practices. Don't be pressured by peer pressure. Your husband is right, and no offense taken, but he also seems to have more common sense than you and those pregnant teen girls, because he also doesn't want to burden himself, you, AND your chlid into a financial, educational, and emotional crisis.

Do you really want to have children, especially with the current economic crisis? Banks everywhere are going bankrupt; Washington Mutual went bust. The two main mortage companies, Fanny Mae and Freddie Mac would have gone busted if it weren't for the federal government saving their sorry butts. Crisis is going on everywhere in mortgage loans, domestic investments and foreign investments. Houses in the big housing market areas are all going into forclosure, tax cuts are an issue for many people, oil prices are still high, even companies like Dillard's and Starbucks are closing branches everywhere across the nation, we are $12 trillion in debt because of the war and other national and international expenses, we need $700 billion more to pass this one bailout that is just...uggh...the whole global economy is in danger. Recently in my Aorld affairs class, we've also heard that the Japanese and some European economies are also going bust. Actually, no, not only in my World Affairs class, but this was also talked about in my Personal Financing class, my Political Science class, and even my Japanese IV class. It's a hot spot issue right now and is currently on the policy agenda of many politicians, especially the current U.S. elections. We're entering another Great Depression, and our generation will have to pay back the greed of our baby boomer ancestors. Do you really want to suffer by having children at such a time like this? Sure, if you want to live like the parents who lived in the Depression era and WWII era.

For at least 18 years of your life, you're going to have to clothe, clean, transport, make appointments, attend to your kids. It's a lot of work. Play it smart, wait 'til you're ready. Finish school and get good grades. Get a post-secondary education (college, vocational/technical trade schools) and graduate with your hard-earned degree. Then get a good job 'til you think about kids. Many teenage parents are in a tough situation because taking care of kids is a full time job, because life ain't like Marie Antoinette, nor even Juno, Jamie Spears, nor even *spoilers* Bella Swan (yeah I spoiled the ending of Breaking Dawn but ya'll saw it coming! xP; ).

And to re-instate and emphasize, teenage mothers in this era and current situation will be hit harder than any other teenage mother in past eras (except for the Great Depression), what with our falling world economy.

[artisanden]

Isnt 16 tad young to have babies? I travelled along this path once and it gets MORE depressing

[phren]

erm... how exactly are you going to have those children that specifically? :/

i don't know if gender selection is legal where you are (i'm pretty sure it isn't here) but it would be expensive.

aside from that, 16 is too young imo. you have a lot of your own life ahead of you, and would certainly unlikely be naturally dead by the time the youngest graduates. in fact if you had the youngest just before menopause, you would most likely still be alive by that time.

[peppermint eels]

You're still really young, and it's highly likely you may fall out of love and break up with your 'husband', and several more boyfriends over the course of future years.

You don't understand how much work babies are, and you have your whole life ahead of you. You could have your last child at age 50 and still be alive to see it graduate... and also, I do hope you know you cannot choose the gender of your baby, so there's no way you will be able to have 2 boys and 1 girl in that order just because you want it that way.

Save yourself the trouble, and wait until you're AT LEAST done with college.

i really hate (and i use that word strongly) negative people. and there is nothing wrong with just hoping that you will have 2 boys and 1 girl in that order.

[phren]

i'm sorry, i was not trying to be negative. that is the way i am, just as you are sensitive as you said, i take things in a literal way often. i misunderstood your wording, i thought you meant must have children in that order, not hoping.
i'm sorry for my misunderstanding.

no! not you, you werent being negative, i was talking about the person that left the comment under yours. .

[zaidababy]

You should wait to have kids. I am friends with a few teen mothers. It seems cute at first, but then the reality sets in.

[haruhisuzumiya]

I hope you don't mind I renamed your thread. This way, people will know what it is about. ^^;

[chiriyuku]

nekonkai22 - I REALLY hope you took the time to read BubbleTea's post coz she made some very valid points (which I completely agree with).

And I hope you realize the difference between "negative" and "realistic".

[Darien]

Don't be in such a rush to have children. 16 is just too young to have kids and you have your whole life ahead of you. Finish High School and go to college and get a degree. If you have kids now, you would have to give up your wants and needs to take care of them. Meaning in other words, you have to give up 18 years of your life just trying to raise them and get those kids ready for the real world.

[Tsuyako]

I agree. 16 is probably too young to have a baby. My mum had me when she was still in school and 16. Whilst she says she wouldn't want me to not be here, it's fair to say I ruined her late teenage years. She couldn't go out with her friends, she had to go to night school instead and I almost went into care because she didn't have the money to look after me (not saying anything bad about my mum because I love her).
I know you probably feel like you want a baby now but it's probably best to wait because it wouldn't be fair on the child. My mum said to me that people should wait to have babies until their in a good financial situation, which I agree with because I know what it's like to be one of those children who are deprived. I live with my grandparents now.
I apologise if I ranted on a bit but I just think you should know what you're getting into.

[peppermint eels]

Originally Posted by nekonkai22

i really hate (and i use that word strongly) negative people. and there is nothing wrong with just hoping that you will have 2 boys and 1 girl in that order.

>>
Sorry, but I'm just saying.
Nothing wrong with hoping but there's really no way of controlling that sort of thing, and the probability of having 2 boys and 1 girl in that exact order, is unlikely.

[artisanden]

You know, it seems that you are getting people here all wrong. as neechans our natural instinct is to SHARE and to ADVICE. Dont get us wrong. We have seen the reality of life, and I am not much older than you, but I have been pregnant once and would never go back to that road unless I am ready.

[zaidababy]

Can we close all of this girl's threads since she isn't here anymore?

[laura-aap]

closed it ^^