I need help. This is going on too long...

yugidogz · #1 (**permalink**) 06-05-2007, 07:51 PM

I love my boyfriend so much. We've been going out for 1 year and 5 months (6 on the 12th)... but we get mad at each other SO much, and over this period of time we almost broke up at LEAST a bazillion times.. (okay, more like 15+), but I'd always end up crying, so he'd give me another chance...

He got upset with me last night cause I didn't want to do my homework and just sleep, so he made me leave his house and go home. He kept trying to get me up for about 30 minutes, but I didn't budge. I finally got up and left his house; I left my flip-flops in his room and walked barefoot for about 10 minutes. Eventually he caught up with me, bringing my shoes, bag, and my bike. Then he told me he was tired of all the problems (after about a minute of silence and just staring). I honestly didn't care... I took my bike and started walking, then threw it down and walked away. I think he tried to catch up to me again, so I ran.

Later he called me just to find out the homework (it was past 12am btw) and called a few times more about it. That was it. I think he came over in the night too cause I found my phone here and windows open on my computer.

Well, anyways... I couldn't even cry last night. It was a weird feeling. I kept thinking about whether or not I really did want to keep going. I love him so much, and I can't bare to see him with another girl, or me with anyone else either. But it seems like we argue and blow each other off (actually I blow him off cause I'm a bad gf), so he gets upset. I just don't think I'm good enough for him. He has expectations of me, but I'm just not up to meeting them... I don't know what to do anymore.

I need help. What should I do? Should we try it one more time, or just break it off?

the_zorya · #2 (**permalink**) 06-05-2007, 09:20 PM

Believe it or not, a year and a half isn't that terribly long to have dated and I feel like if you are feeling guilty because you aren't meeting his expectations, you should either sit down with him and tell him this or get rid of him. And then if you do manage to tell him how you feel and he has no positive reaction to it, I would say get rid of him. It's basically how you want to feel and how you want to be treated in a relationship. Do you want to love someone who loves you but is always idling over your imperfections or do you want to love someone who loves you just the way you are and who would never fight with you about it?

JPanda · #3 (**permalink**) 06-05-2007, 09:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by the_zorya

Believe it or not, a year and a half isn't that terribly long to have dated and I feel like if you are feeling guilty because you aren't meeting his expectations, you should either sit down with him and tell him this or get rid of him.

I agree.

My boyfriend and I had a rough patch like this at some point. We sat down with each other and tried to talk it all out. We agreed we would try to control our anger whenever we felt like we were about to argue. We would take turns talking so that we made sure each side was heard. No name-calling, no blaming, no getting up and walking away, etc. You have to be able to listen to one another.

Next time you feel the urge to get angry at him, ask yourself, "Is it really worth it to blow up on him right now? Is this really worth arguing about? Do I want to risk breaking up over this?" Oftentimes, I found it was the little petty things I would get mad at my boyfriend about, so I learned to back off.

Seeing as how your boyfriend came after you, it seems that he cares about you a lot and really loves you. If he didn't, he wouldn't care if you just stormed out of his house and went home. It seems like he just wants to be able to communicate with you better. No one likes to be ignored when they're upset, you know?

Eli D. Flowright · #4 (**permalink**) 06-05-2007, 10:41 PM

First: You dont know how weir sounds to me get angry whit your girlfriend cos she dont do her homework! its like -wtf!-

Second: I hate that kind of sick relations, I mean when someting go bad and you end............IT ENDS!! it´s sick try to be in something it dont exist anymore......and 15 times? just think it....you are going to end again there going to be 16 an then 17 and then 18...............that relation dont go anywhere.

And yep to feel bad about it and miss him, is normal, you have been 1 year together so that´s normal.

Sooo that´s my advice

pinkhaireddreamboy · #5 (**permalink**) 06-06-2007, 12:25 AM

ah, this sounds so much like my relationship. i just dont know what to do, but he's like my only friend as well. im basically stuck : \ i dont even feel like im interested in anyone (in a "more than a friend" way) sometimes...

lilgagi88 · #6 (**permalink**) 06-06-2007, 12:45 AM

This sounds like my relationship also, O_O but we don't really say we wanna break it off, we kind of get mad and say sumin like "So what, you don't wanna be in this relationship no more" kinda thing. We argue ALOT eve before we went out and we still sadly do. T_T And I cry atleast once a month, I swear I do. (Cried 4x's during May) I think our relationship is kinda childish cause we argue about the same thing over and over and somehow it never gets fixed. O_O I think that's kind of the same thing in your relationship... but arguing over doing homework.. why didn't you just do it!? >.< And it seems like your boyfriend really cares about you since he was all around.. somehow O_O.. and running to you and everything, though I don't think it was a good idea for you to run away from him, maybe you should apologize on that part, etc. I mean, in my relationship, I've noticed that we both try to work things out, and that's all you need, trying. Even if it doesn't work out like it's suppose to. Arguing now and then is fine, it just depends on the two of you. If your both willing to try to stay in the relationship and try to work things out.

katzluva · #7 (**permalink**) 06-06-2007, 03:07 AM

He might have just been looking after you and your academics. He could have been worried and frustrated about dropping your grades, which is completely understandble. I'd get annoyed at my boyfriend for taking 4 hour naps and being lazy too!

I guess the only thing you have to ask yourself is if the bad outweighs the good. If you're having not fun being with this guy, and think it's possible you'll be better off without him then it's time to break apart. This can be difficult to answer, because pretty much all relationship have good and bad parts.

Are you geniunely happy being with him?
Are there still a lot of fun times and intimacy spent together?
Have you started thinking of dating others?
Are you doing things that intentionally exclude him?

pinkhaireddreamboy · #8 (**permalink**) 06-06-2007, 05:03 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lilgagi88

This sounds like my relationship also, O_O but we don't really say we wanna break it off, we kind of get mad and say sumin like "So what, you don't wanna be in this relationship no more" kinda thing. We argue ALOT eve before we went out and we still sadly do. T_T And I cry atleast once a month, I swear I do. (Cried 4x's during May) I think our relationship is kinda childish cause we argue about the same thing over and over and somehow it never gets fixed. O_O

omgosh... thats my exact situation! when we get in a really bad fight and he wont forgive me, i'll even pretend to cry (or actually cry..) so he'll just stop being mad at me.. i get cranky and bitchy a lot (because ive been getting really stressed out!) so he usually gets mad at me for being mean or not doing what he wants. i dont ever really get mad at him, but he seems to get angry with me a lot lately.

yugidogz · #9 (**permalink**) 06-06-2007, 06:23 PM

The very beginning (before we got together) was kinda rocky. He was trying to help me with my boy problems (because I liked someone else), but I got rejected. Afterwards, he told me he liked me, and I rejected him. He became really sad for a while... I remember I had to jump on the roof of the school to look for him! He left a note in my jacket saying that he wished me good luck with everything, etc.. After that though, I realized I started to like him back, so I told him, and eventually we got together.

We get upset at each other over stupid little things. I have a bad memory for the most random of things though, so I can't even remember those times. And with that, if he confronts me about something, I end up going blank and just sit there. Sometimes I start crying because I can't think of something to say, and he gets frustrated. He says in those situations though, he'd rather me get mad and argue back at him, than just sit there. I guess it helps... I dunno.

We did actually have a time when we talked about the problems we had. Although we had more situations where he almost broke up with me. He does that though because he thinks that I would be happier without him, he says. I don't think so though. But we fight a lot, so...

He cares about school a lot though. Especially now since we got ourselves into a HUGE mess of trouble this year (I'm actually not graduating, I have to take summer school ><;

since life decided to bite us in the ass.

We decided to give it another shot. The thing is, yesterday I felt weird around him for a while. When he came over (I stayed home from school cause I overslept and missed my final...) I was still thinking about the night before, and treated him more like a friend (no hugs or kisses). I felt awkward around him.. I'm usually the one to hug him first or whatever, but later he grabbed my hand, and it felt normal again. I know that sounds kinda cheesy, but that's how it felt. That's never happened before. What does that mean?

JPanda · #10 (**permalink**) 06-06-2007, 07:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by yugidogz

Sometimes I start crying because I can't think of something to say, and he gets frustrated. He says in those situations though, he'd rather me get mad and argue back at him, than just sit there. I guess it helps... I dunno.

Really? That doesn't sound like a good idea. =X When we're mad, it's easy for us to say things out of impulse -- things we might later regret. I'd rather not say anything than to say things out of anger. Wouldn't want to risk hurting his feelings or make him mad.

Quote:

Originally Posted by yugidogz

He cares about school a lot though. Especially now since we got ourselves into a HUGE mess of trouble this year (I'm actually not graduating, I have to take summer school ><;

since life decided to bite us in the ass.

We decided to give it another shot. The thing is, yesterday I felt weird around him for a while. When he came over (I stayed home from school cause I overslept and missed my final...) I was still thinking about the night before, and treated him more like a friend (no hugs or kisses). I felt awkward around him.. I'm usually the one to hug him first or whatever, but later he grabbed my hand, and it felt normal again. I know that sounds kinda cheesy, but that's how it felt. That's never happened before. What does that mean?

It's great that your boyfriend encourages you to do well.

There are some guys out there who'd rather have their girlfriends ditch school just for them!

Sometimes after big fights, things do feel a little off. It can be a little hard to get back into romantic-hugs-and-kisses mode right away after a major conflict. It's happened to me before. But eventually things settle back down again.

yugidogz · #11 (**permalink**) 06-07-2007, 01:36 AM

I think we're both just really strange people then, I guess. XD We can get back into that mode right away and completely forget everything that just happened.

It's like, he'd rather me argue and tell him what's wrong than just sit there dumbfounded. It doesn't have to be through anger (though it most likely would be seeing as how it's an argument), but I understand what he means.

LOL, I know. I'M the one that always wants to skip class ><;; It's so bad of me, but I'm sick of school. Apparently when we were gone for a while (like I mentioned, we were pissed off at the school, so didn't feel like coming. Bad, I know..) people were spreading rumors about us. It pissed me off when I found out, because they were all blaming him for us not coming. He was the one that would say, "Okay, we're GOING to school today!" But I'd always convince him that we'd go the next day, blah blah blah...

Heartburnz · #12 (**permalink**) 06-09-2007, 06:45 PM

u bf sounds abit like my bf lol.. except the homework thing..
cause im the one who always say to him he has to make hw etc..

anyway..ur story sounds like mine..and of most girls here lol..
its really a sad thing..u love eachother to death but always fight
over the same things..hurt each other with the same things blablalba..
u must be thinking "when will this stop" ?
it is really hard..but u should try to fight for ur relationship..

talk with him about problems..and what u can 'fix' or improve..
to make it better.
and some things ppl cant change about theirselfs..
but for someone special they can do that.. not in a forced way
but like u really want it urself..

i think ur bf force u alot BUT
theres a good side bout that.. he just wants u to be good in school..
i think u should try to listen to him..cause its the best for the both of u..
make ur bf proud.. but most of all.. make URSELf proud..