Perfect age to lose your virginity...

[xivorymoonx]

Yeah, I know this is a super personal question, lol >.< But I can't help but wonder! You don't have to say when you lost yours or if you did or didn't, I just want to know what age you think is the perfect time for losing your virginity. I also think where you live will make answers different...but still, share!

For me, I think 16 is a good age. Because then you're maturing more, and most teenage girls at least are more careful. But if you just started dating at 16, then maybe wait a couple years before getting into the more intimate stuff.

But, 16 is also the youngest age anyone should lose it. If you're younger than that you're just growing up way too fast. M goal is to hold out until I'm 18 =P

What are your thoughts?

[cool]

I lost mine when I was 17 to an older woman (in her twenties) and if I was living in America, that would mean I am statutatorily raped but I am totally in debt to the woman who opened up my horizons. It's old I think by American Standards for a guy, but heck, I would love to have lost it when I was way younger and I don't think sex is bad for any age as long as you're ready for it and you know the consequences (like pregnancy, stds, feelings, etc).

If you're ready, you're ready. Age is irrelevant. There is nothing wrong with sex and I think people put too much into 'virginity' like it's a magic word or something.

[pinkhaireddreamboy]

I think everyone is "ready" at different ages. 16 might be right for someone, but someone else may want to wait or get it over with earlier.

I think that I have been somewhat brainwashed by society regarding sex.. I feel like it is such a shameful and horrible thing for me to do. I know it's not and I don't hold anything against anyone who does it as long as they are responsible, but I don't think I could ever look into my parents' faces if I lost my virginity before I turned 18 and was out of the house. But at the same time, I feel as if a lot of media, T.V. shows, etc. and fellow teenagers are almost pressuring me to have sex during high school. Haha, I know this probably seems ridiculous.... so currently I'm pretty confused and have decided just not to do it until I meet someone who's really hot and into me. Ha, j/k

Umm, this is embarressing to admit, but my boyfriend of about two years and me broke up a few months ago mainly because of this issue. He always wanted to do it and I was like..... no thanks. And then he kept going on about how it was like we were "just friends" since I didn't want to have sex. This is even weirder to admit, lol, but truthfully, I just never found myself sexually attracted to him after our first few months of dating, so I definitely didn't want to lose my virginity to someone who I didn't even want to do it with! Uhh, we sometimes did other things that weren't... intercourse, but I never wanted to. He basically just pressured me into it a lot. It was not that I felt I wasn't ready (well I guess that was kinda it too), I just didn't want to do anything like that with him. Ah, harsh. But yeah, that's my story. I think I will be a 40-year-old virgin. My standards are way too high and every guy that I like is way out of my league ;_; I'm not really in a hurry though especially with my conflicting views about this, ugh.


P.S. props on making this topic! I really can't talk to my friends about these things (they are either wayyy ahead of me or waiting until marriage status)

[xivorymoonx]

I think losing your virginity to someone older than you is a good idea. Not for everyone of course, but for people who like, are scared to have sex because they think it will be awkward, you know?

And I feel the same way =P Sometimes it feels like I'll never have sex because I am picky >.<

You're right, age is all about the person. And in some places sex is made out to be this horrible thing that no teenager should do, and others state that it's totally normal and isn't something that should be totally avoided when you're young. For me, in my school most of the girls my age (15 =P) are not virgins anymore so anyone who still is, is seen as prude. Which is completely sterotypical and absurd >.<

[Kikiloveyou]

I was wanting to ask as well :3

I agree with it being different for everyone,
depending on the circumstances.
Actually while I was reading through the replies I was thinking
'yeah, 16 and up would be better...'
then I remembered I lost mine at 15 >_>;;;
(almost 16 though, a few weeks before I think)
to my current boyfriend who I'm actually very much in love with.
At the time I just felt it was right~
and I trust him more than anyone in the world,
plus I know what kind of person he is,
unlike some of the flakey guys I've had as boyfriends
(who I can honestly say I didn't feel much for).

People can go do whatever they want
as long as they as safe and sure about it I guess,
and are willing to own up to their actions if something does go wrong.
Like a month or few ago,
I got super worried I got pregnate
although I would be upset about getting pregnate *so* young
I know he would be be there for me if it did happen.

My first time was great by the way xD
And he thought it was amazing so I was happy, haha.
We've done it~ a lot I suppose haha, but we're always safe.
Plus we aren't around each other often
(to begin with every weekend, or on special occassions
and now only when I'm out to see him or he comes here).
As I said we were always safe.

Actually I talk about sex and rather perverted things with my friends,
it's actually a subject I feel comfortable with for some reason *shrug*.
Sex and Video Games... no wonder most of my guy friends like me T_T hehe.

When I look at the younger generation I'm actually pretty worried, haha,
because I talk to friends' younger siblings and such,
and I hear things about them looking forward to sex or have been in those kinds of situations,
at ages around 14...
It's not so much the age,
but that I know they just want to do it, well, to do it~


Oh, side note, my school was in the first in the area to have a day care.

[Sweetkiwi]

I think at the age of 18-20 is a better age to lose your virginity. It's scary to see how many young teenagers are becoming sexually active at such a young age. There are so many 14 year olds getting pregnant and stuff..and it's just sad to see.

[trashy*pearls]

I think you can lose it whenever you feel ready, really. But it is up to you. Don't be pressured into something you are uncomfortable with, be safe, use protection. You know the rules :P

I lost mine when I was 15 and have been having pretty regular sex since then. And I'm not diseased :P

Sex is wonderful, trust me. It's not as taboo as people want it to be.

[pinkhaireddreamboy]

Originally Posted by Sweetkiwi

I think at the age of 18-20 is a better age to lose your virginity. It's scary to see how many young teenagers are becoming sexually active at such a young age. There are so many 14 year olds getting pregnant and stuff..and it's just sad to see.

IKR. My best friend lost her virginity when she was 13... and that was the age her mother had her... and the age her grandmother had her mother. Really strange! She didn't get pregnant or anything (thank God!!), but has had a few scares. : (

[Jequila]

I'm waiting till I'm married. -is lame- xD
I just really like the thought of giving my husband something that no one else has ever had. Even though it will most likely be awkward for the first time ;p

[marie]

Originally Posted by Jequila

I'm waiting till I'm married. -is lame- xD
I just really like the thought of giving my husband something that no one else has ever had. Even though it will most likely be awkward for the first time ;p

Same here.

There are a lot of kids from my school who aren't virgins anymore. And they talk about it at school o_O

[Darien]

I say wait until marriage. Because some of you aren't old enough or even ready to deal with the consequences of your choices. Losing your virginity is an special time in a person's life. Right now, I just can't put it into words. But I just think it's important to wait until later.

[cool]

Originally Posted by pinkhaireddreamboy

....so currently I'm pretty confused and have decided just not to do it until I meet someone who's really hot and into me. Ha, j/k ...................My standards are way too high and every guy that I like is way out of my league ;

Originally Posted by xivorymoonx

And I feel the same way =P Sometimes it feels like I'll never have sex because I am picky

Originally Posted by Kikiloveyou

...then I remembered I lost mine at 15 >_>;;;
(almost 16 though, a few weeks before I think)
to my current boyfriend who I'm actually very much in love with.
At the time I just felt it was right~
and I trust him more than anyone in the world,
plus I know what kind of person he is,
unlike some of the flakey guys I've had as boyfriends
(who I can honestly say I didn't feel much for).

If you look at the pattern above, you'll see that women just do not or 'can not' have sex randomly with guys. They need to feel loved or in love or that the man they have sex with is the one.... This is a scientific fact, and it has nothing to do with culture.. women all over the world share this. In fact, I remember there's a thread that talked about this issue.

Guys on the other hand, can have sex like playing tennis, without emotion involved. Just a physical need. Sex and love are two very seperate things for guys. Guys would lie and cheat to any women if they think they can get sex. And women will have sex with guys who lie to them and makes them feel loved. But in the end, when a man have sex with a woman, usually the woman feels 'used' and the man feels 'guilty' for lying and cheating.. hahha..

Sex is and will always be the major dividing point for men and women. Neither would every understand the other because men can never feel how a woman feel and women can never feel how a man feel. Like you can never relate to a spider and thus you feel nothing when you step on them and squish them.

For those who wants to learn more about the female brain, read the book called 'The Female Brain'.... I just read it and it's revealing so much about how the women's brain work and how it's different from a man's.

Originally Posted by pinkhaireddreamboy

Umm, this is embarressing to admit, but my boyfriend of about two years and me broke up a few months ago mainly because of this issue. He always wanted to do it and I was like..... no thanks.

This is exactly the difference between males/females. Males can only think of sex and think of sex all the time. Everything else pale in comparison, especially guys who are full of testosterone at age 16-26. This is a physical difference and for guys, it's painful not to have sex. And you'll see this story repeated a million times. Men pressuring women into having sex and women don't want it. Women can only have sex when they are in love or feel that there's a strong possibility of a long term relationship (with the exception of her cycle when her testosterone are at it's peak, usually one or two days a month, a few days before her ovulation, which is when she might go home with a stranger at a bar and have sex, then regret it the day after).

Originally Posted by Sweetkiwi

I think at the age of 18-20 is a better age to lose your virginity. It's scary to see how many young teenagers are becoming sexually active at such a young age. There are so many 14 year olds getting pregnant and stuff..and it's just sad to see.

Most of these pregnancies are from 'religious states' that forbids full sex-education. If children are provided proper education, they can be more responsible and more prepared when they do have sex. Trying to fight nature is futile. We can only prepare ourselves for the consequences. Using condoms plus the pills, you're very unlikely to be pregnant. And if you do, then there's the option of abortion (oooops... this is a dirty word for some, but an option for others and it probably deserve another thread for debates).

Originally Posted by trashy*pearls

I think you can lose it whenever you feel ready, really. But it is up to you. Don't be pressured into something you are uncomfortable with, be safe, use protection. You know the rules :P

I lost mine when I was 15 and have been having pretty regular sex since then. And I'm not diseased :P

Sex is wonderful, trust me. It's not as taboo as people want it to be.

Trashy*pearls,... kudos!! Your found heaven on Earth! And we only have ONE life and a short one too to live it to the fullest!

Originally Posted by Jequila

I'm waiting till I'm married. -is lame- xD
I just really like the thought of giving my husband something that no one else has ever had. Even though it will most likely be awkward for the first time ;p

I read a lot of Christian books that says the same thing, how women should keep their 'gems' for their 'husbands' as presents... I somehow am quite disgusted at how the chauvinistic christianity made women into 'sex-objects' whereby her virginity is kept as a prize....

But Jeguila, don't get me wrong. I have no issues with people who just want to maintain their virginity.. I am all for individual freedom... And I respect and love you for wanting whatever it is that you want... I am just a tad bit pissed off at the way religious cults like Christians and Muslims brainwashing people into making themselves 'objects'. In many muslim countries like pakistan, turkey, the middle east, and elsewhere, some parents would hunt down their daughters who lost their virginity and kills them. (honor killing). In some places, girls vagina are sewed up when they are kids to prevent them from ever having sex and many die from infections. Even in my own country, you have religious police that goes to hotels and elsewhere, busting into people's private rooms and arrest couples. At the same time they say they don't have enough budget to fight real crimes like 'burglaries'. sigh*

[laura-aap]

Originally Posted by pinkhaireddreamboy

Umm, this is embarressing to admit, but my boyfriend of about two years and me broke up a few months ago mainly because of this issue. He always wanted to do it and I was like..... no thanks. And then he kept going on about how it was like we were "just friends" since I didn't want to have sex.

that is also the reason why I broke up with many guys. because they were so pushy about it. I even dated a guy that wanted to have sex after 4 days... since we started dating. when I feel like Im getting pushed I always back down. I have to feel comfy with it.

It sometimes scares me that the age of loosing it is getting soooo low. my nice of 13 was talking about sex that she had with a guy of 18 years (not her boyfriend btw.) and all.
when I was 13 I was climbing trees and all. the last ting I had on my mind was having sex..

but to come back to your question... I think everybody has his own oppinion about what's the best age of loosing your virginity.

[laura-aap]

Originally Posted by cool

But Jeguila, don't get me wrong. I have no issues with people who just want to maintain their virginity.. I am all for individual freedom... And I respect and love you for wanting whatever it is that you want... I am just a tad bit pissed off at the way religious cults like Christians and Muslims brainwashing people into making themselves 'objects'. In many muslim countries like pakistan, turkey, the middle east, and elsewhere, some parents would hunt down their daughters who lost their virginity and kills them. (honor killing). In some places, girls vagina are sewed up when they are kids to prevent them from ever having sex and many die from infections. Even in my own country, you have religious police that goes to hotels and elsewhere, busting into people's private rooms and arrest couples. At the same time they say they don't have enough budget to fight real crimes like 'burglaries'. sigh*

some of those countries piss me of too... but mostly because a girl needs to be a virgin when she gets married.. but the guy got laid loooooads of time.

to me... I would be like: I have to be a virgin.. so do you!
( I know this also because of one of my friends. she needs to be a virgin because of her boyfriend.. but he haad loads of girls... according to her.. it's kind of normal)

and the whole sewing up.. makes me sick. to protect girls (who had sex) they can even go under surgery so they will bleed on their first time wit their husband. yet.. when you do a lot of sports like horse back riding. you sometimes don't even bleed. and then they will think that you are not a virgin and you can get killed.

sometimes (not to offend others) Im really glad I don't believe. and that in holland they are (still) normal. I said still because holland is getting more Christian.. since the politic leaders are christians. (meaning all the typical dutch things are going away.. fast)

[xivorymoonx]

Yeah, I know it's different for guys. There is also a lot of pressure for guys because of their friends I guess, or maybe they think they seem cool if they are not virgins. I've had a boyfriend that lied to me and told me he wasn't a virgin, but later on he admitted that he was but thought I wouldn't want to be with him if he wasn't. Which was just ridiculous. I have no problem admitting I'm a virgin nor am I embarrassed by the fact. I would be more embarrassed being only like, 13 and saying I wasn't, you know?

But that's just me.

And eww, that's just going waay too far to sew them up >.< That pisses me off too. I'm glad things are changing though, and I hope one day those girls that live in those countries will be able to gain their freedom and have sex whenever they damn well please (and not die because of it >.<), lol.

[katzluva]

Cool, surely not all guys are sex-o-maniacs right?

I do agree though how the majority of men sees it, and biologically, it makes sense. Girls have to worry about their choice in mate cause we can GET PREGNANT! We wouldnt wanna have men that arent gonna be there if it happens, so we look for love and commitment before we make that final decision. Which very much makes me question myself and my boyfriend, who hasnt had much potential to be a good husband, annnnnd so I'm not very attracted to him anymore =0

Just curious - Do you think it's more appropriate to have a polygymous society, Cool?

[aishiteruhoney]

Interesting topic.

I'm 17 and I lost mine a couple months ago to my current boyfriend who I've been dating for over two years. We had discussed it numerous times before we actually did it, and we knew how to take care of the consequences of pregnancy if that were the case.. so, everything went fine in the mind. (Minus the pain, lol O___O ;P) My advice is to carefully plan it all out and be ready to accept what may come afterwards.

Some relationships don't last very long after sex because the guy may be wanting to have sex more or the girl may become emotionally clingy. To prevent this, the key would be to COMMUNICATE. One of the most important rules in having a stable and healthy relationship.. next to TRUST. Tell them what's on your mind and be blunt; and hopefully afterwards you two will come to a pleasant compromise.

:]

[pinkhaireddreamboy]

Originally Posted by cool

I read a lot of Christian books that says the same thing, how women should keep their 'gems' for their 'husbands' as presents... I somehow am quite disgusted at how the chauvinistic christianity made women into 'sex-objects' whereby her virginity is kept as a prize....

Ahh, I've noticed that so much : / The double standards disgust me. I'm also a bit bothered by the whole "promise ring" some Christian girls keep with their fathers that vow that they won't have sex before marriage. Sometimes they have whole ceremonies that are just about the girls promising their father that they won't have sex. It's so creepy to me! Why is it just between father-daughter? If anything, I would think that would be a more mother-daughter connection.

[xivorymoonx]

I think fathers are more protective over their daughters, and since, being men themselves and having experienced being a teenage boy once, they know how men might want their daughters, and they just want to keep them away from that. Like, they don't want any guy just using their daughters or something.

[cool]

Originally Posted by katzluva

Cool, surely not all guys are sex-o-maniacs right?

First, after after understanding men's 'needs', you will come to see that 'sex maniac' or 'sexual predator', or 'sex addict' or any of those so called derogatory terms used on 'some' men, actually applies to 'most men', and since men are men and nature dictates them to be who they are, they are really not 'sex maniac', but 'sex normal'.

What I mean is this. We judge people instantly when they watch porn, or when they have multiple sex partners, etc, but at the end of the day, almost every guy does it. If you watch the news and a guy gets arrested for watching porn (in my country they sometimes do), then suddenly everyone says 'he's a sex maniac' when they themselves watches porn.

Second: Are there guys who wants to maintain their virginity or are not very active in sex? Yes, to both. There are some men who's testosterone levels are 'abnormally' low, genetically. This is actually a small percentage. They behave more like women when it comes to sex. There is a whole range of men, their sexual level of needs, and even their sexual preferences... BUt when i say 'men' or 'women' I mean 'in general, or mostly'.

Also, there are indeed some very religious guys who really work to keep their virginity. Growing up, I have many muslim friends for instance who are like that. But they still watches porn or masterbate. Most of these friends once they got married, also cheat on their wives. So, in the end, it's 'religion vs nature, and nature always win'.

I do agree though how the majority of men sees it, and biologically, it makes sense. Girls have to worry about their choice in mate cause we can GET PREGNANT! We wouldnt wanna have men that arent gonna be there if it happens, so we look for love and commitment before we make that final decision.

Yes, katz, this is exactly right. The reason women are the way they are and men are the way they are is because of evolution. Millions of years ago, men who go about 'donating' his sperm to as many women as he can, generally gets more chances of passing his genes thru. So, the ones that does not have as much sex had fewer children, and over millions of years and thousands of generations, the dominant number of men are descended from those 'cavemen' who has lots of testosterone and lots of sex.

Women those days on the other hand had to be clever enough to pick the right 'cave man' so to speak if she wants a good chance for someone to be able to provide for the children. At the time, nature is unforgiving. Most children probably never make it to adulthood. Perhaps only a few percentages does. So, women who have sex loosely with random guys may end up pregnant and no 'guy' around to help raise the kids or provide for the kids and they end up all dying, thus, not passing thru their genes.

But that does not mean women do not cheat on their 'so called picked men'. They do. In fact a research indicates that as high as 30% of children born are not related to the 'husband'. But the 'husbands' do not know it. Women after having sex with their 'chosen guy, cave men', may still secretly have sex with other cave-men. The more spern she can get inside her, the better because then the strongest sperms will fight to get to her womb thus providing the best offspring. There's an article in Scientific American called 'The sperm wars' which shows how sperms war among other sperms from other guys. There are actually all kinds of sperms. We have sperms that specialize in defence such as they block sperms from the opponent from entering the 'cave'. And there are attack sperms with actual war heads that explodes on contact with the other sperms. That's a whole other story there and there's not enough space here to elaborate... look this up...

Just curious - Do you think it's more appropriate to have a polygymous society, Cool?

Haha.. you know, me and my men friends have always discussed this ONE issue and have discussed it to death. Especially with my best friend (american btw). After all those discussion, I have, at least come to the conclusion that, for me personally, ONE is enough. One woman nagging you all day long is all a guy can take. Hahahhaha...

Anyways, just to be scientific, I think one on one is still better because otherwise there may be other problems such as men who have no women left to marry?? I can see how during the middle ages and the prophet muhammad said that men who can afford it can marry up to 4 wifes. During those times, there are far fewer men than men cause they all go to wars and get killed. So, many women have no one to look after them and to survive you really need a 'man' to look after you, provide you with a 'tent' and 'food', and 'standing' in society.

But, like I said, men differenciate 'love' with 'sex'. So, although men have an over-powering need for sex and perhaps sex with multiple partners, in our modern society today, with the condoms and all, when a guy have sex it does not mean he'll have children. So, men generally 'cheat' on their wives outside the home and then go home and still loves the wive just as much. No need to complicate things and bring home another woman.

I have first hand experience on this because my own father brough home a mistress who lived with us and bore him a son. It caused him and my mom to not speak to each other for as long as i can remember before his death (when I was 9 years old). The amout of misery and suffering that brought to my mom tells me that bringing home another woman is just not right. (Unless you live in a society that culturally accepts it as norm, then women actually may find it better to have 'sister wives' all working to raise one big family). But in general in our current 'culture' of the world today, women do not want to share their men. And men in generally don't earn enough to raise 2 families.

Chinese believe that it's better to go outside the home, have your sexual affairs, and then don't bring home the 'dirt'. Just leave it outside the home. And most chinese wives may know this, but they keep an eye shut. For example, my own mom advices her own daughter, ie, my sisters to not look too 'closely' in their husbands 'outside adventures'. That may be the wisest cause of action. You can't change nature, and if you fight it, the alternative is probably intolerant.

For example, let's take a case example. A woman married with 3 kids. Then finds out her husbands are cheating on her. What does she do?

1. Confront the husband? Now, if that happens then what are the options left? You either end up divorced or that you forever live with each other having lost trust in each other and there will never be the same again.

2. Understand that the husband is just doing what nature dictates and he still loves you just as much? This option may be wiser.

Remember, when men cheat on their wives sexually, it's like playing ping pong with another person. You can play ping pong with lots of people.

But when a woman cheats or have an affair with another guy, then the husband better be wary. Why? Because when women have an affair, it generally means that she may be emotionally attached to the new guy and will likely leave the husbands. Men 'never' leave their wives when they have affairs. They may 'lie' to the woman they are having an affair with to 'get sex', but they never will leave their wives... (of course again, I am speaking in general katz)

I know what I am saying will come as a 'great shock' to many of you girls here on this forum simply because you're all so young and so naive and so idealistic and all of us grow up with movies portraying 'true love' and all that and associate 'sex with love'.